If there were a contest for the best small talker, the organizers wouldn’t even let me near the building where the contest was being held. Time and again I’ve proven that casual conversation is mostly beyond me.

I’ve watched as others discuss the weather endlessly, seemingly fascinated by temperatures, wind direction, and humidity, while I fought the narcoleptic state that such discussions cause me to slip into.

I tend to be more of a reactive conversationalist. I’ll let the discussion create itself and then, when I think I have something to add, I’ll add it. People tend to like my additions, thankfully, though I have to be careful with sarcasm and irony.

But in places like conferences or seminars or even my wife’s high school reunion, when I have to interact with people I do not know, I can attempt a response and find my mouth open, ready to speak. At that instant it is as if a trap door has opened in my mind and all the words have dropped out.

While I show few skills in the direction of small talk, my family abounds with excellent small talkers. My wife Rose has the ability to exchange three or four statements with a person whom she has not met before and then suddenly they both are discussing their hopes, dreams, and fears. I’ve seen her do it many times yet I remain amazed. My son Michael is a gifted salesperson who can easily engage with people—creating relationships with the sounds that issue from his mouth. It’s a valuable skill.

I know that Southwest Airlines and Whole Foods hires customer contact people by having the existing customer team sit down and talk with a potential hire. They are interested in seeing how effectively the potential hire is at initiating or engaging a conversation. This seems to me an excellent way to determine how a person will do in social situations with customers.

I’ve never heard a cross word from a Southwest employee; nor have I ever felt ambushed when a Whole Foods employee asked if I needed any help. There is a genuineness there that goes far beyond seller-buyer relationships. Such ability, because it is very hard to teach, offers possibilities for that rarest of the rare in this economy, a sustainable competitive advantage. Niceness as economic driver. JSperry